we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
