is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
foreskin is a definite game changer
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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