the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
My ass is underappreciated
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Randomize
