so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Randomize
