You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Randomize
