We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
