I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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