why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
