Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
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