I can text with my tongue
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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