how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I have already put on my inside pants.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
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