I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
