Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
