then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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