So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize