Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
