Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Randomize
