Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
