What a fucking waste of an outfit
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
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