Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
