This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I smell like Dick and happiness
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
