Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
