I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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