You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
