I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
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