She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
