i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
