God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Couch. On fire.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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