hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
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