i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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