i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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