the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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