I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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