I should be sponsored by Trojan
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
