guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Randomize
