apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize