she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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