He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
