Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
People with herpes should wear stickers.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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