Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize