When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Randomize
