Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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