Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
