Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Randomize
