Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
