Cold hands, warm shart.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
