Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
