i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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