We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
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