nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
