why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
