He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
