i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Randomize
