Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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