she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
