on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
