finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Randomize
