Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
