Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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