Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
