Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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