the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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