I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I am available for nakedness
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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