he shaved USA in his pubs
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
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