I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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