I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
