coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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